Quotable J.P. Morgan

Courtesy: Google Images

When asked what the stock market will do, J.P Morgan (1837-1913), the banker, financier, businessman replied:

"It will fluctuate!"

Credit Crunch

Photo Courtesy: Google Images

Resolving to surprise her husband, an INVESTMENT BANKER's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

A Turnaround

Courtesy: Google Images

There was a tremendous turnaround in the market today. A stockbroker who jumped out of a window on the twelfth floor, saw a computer screen on the seventh floor and did a U-turn.

Managing Director

Photo Courtesy: parrots4parties.com

An INVESTMENT BANKER goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three nearly identical parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the right costs $500."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the INVESTMENT BANKER.

"Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do pitchbooks."

"How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the INVESTMENT BANKER again.

"That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to do complex valuation problems".

The startled INVESTMENT BANKER asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the owner replies "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him MD."

Frequent Flyer

Courtesy: traveltips.usatoday.com

Q: What's the difference between an INVESTMENT BANKER and a vulture?

A: INVESTMENT BANKERS accumulate frequent flyer points