Monkey Business

I posted this earlier in my IBanker blog under a more "formal" title, consistent with the character of that blog. But since this is a jokes blog, I thought my title here could be more down to earth--where I could call a spade a spade. Here goes the story:

Once upon a time, in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10.

And, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20 for a monkey.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each, and the supply of monkeys became so small that it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35, and when the man returns from the City, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how Wall Street works!!

A True Blue Investment Banker

A first year investment banking analyst, employed at a relatively modest salary by a Wall Street bank, began conspicuously to lead a rather lavish life, dressing flashily, buying a German sports car, and otherwise giving evidence of sudden wealth.

Finally, the HR manager felt called upon to speak about the matter and asked, "How is it that you, whose salary computes to only $3,000 a week, can spend what must certainly be $5,000 or more dollars a week?"

"Why, it's simple," the investment banking analyst replied unabashed, " there are more than 3,000 employees here and every payday I raffle off my salary at $10 a ticket."

Two Rats--And A Wildcat

Here's a circa 1887 joke about Wall Street from Life, vol. IX, no. 230, p.289. See how amazingly timeless its moral lesson is:

An old rat, whose long residence in the city had given him great knowledge of the wiles of civilized life, observed one evening a tempting bit of cheese close by his favorite hole in the wall.

Instead of greedily rushing at it, he called a young friend, saying, "Whiskerando, some kind person has prepared a feast for us. Help yourself."

The guileless innocent rushed on the cheese, which he devoured voraciously: but, alas! in a few minutes he rolled over on his back, stone dead. The dainty was poisoned.

"My experience in Wall Street has stood me in well," mused the old rat as he turned into his hole: "it is safer to give other folks pointers, and pocket your commission, than to risk your all on a wildcat investment."

(Photo credit: Google Images)

Like A Baby

The current Wall Street meltdown has frightened a lot of small investors. A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and asked if he was worried.

He replied that he slept like a baby.
He was amazed and asked, “Really? Even with all the bank failures?”

He said, “Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours… I do that a number of times through the night until morning comes.”

(Source: Boo Chanco, Philippine Star)

Losing Money: a Bull or a Bear

Here's a quickie but timely one from Jokes.net:

"I hear that you drop some money in Wall Street. Were you a bull or a bear?"

"Neither, just a plain simple ass."

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)