Take It Easy, Man

A stock broker, suffering a slight nervous breakdown from the Wall Street crash, was taken to a hospital to rest.

While more or less in a daze, he overheard his nurse say, as she handed the patient's chart to the doctor, "Temperature today, 102."

Weakly the broker raised his head and said, "When it reaches 102 1/2, sell," then wearily fell back against his pillow."

(Thanks to Google Images for the above cartoon)

Two Rats--And A Wildcat

Here's a circa 1887 joke about Wall Street from Life, vol. IX, no. 230, p.289. See how amazingly timeless its moral lesson is:

An old rat, whose long residence in the city had given him great knowledge of the wiles of civilized life, observed one evening a tempting bit of cheese close by his favorite hole in the wall.

Instead of greedily rushing at it, he called a young friend, saying, "Whiskerando, some kind person has prepared a feast for us. Help yourself."

The guileless innocent rushed on the cheese, which he devoured voraciously: but, alas! in a few minutes he rolled over on his back, stone dead. The dainty was poisoned.

"My experience in Wall Street has stood me in well," mused the old rat as he turned into his hole: "it is safer to give other folks pointers, and pocket your commission, than to risk your all on a wildcat investment."

(Photo credit: Google Images)

Losing Money: a Bull or a Bear

Here's a quickie but timely one from Jokes.net:

"I hear that you drop some money in Wall Street. Were you a bull or a bear?"

"Neither, just a plain simple ass."

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

Beware of Brokers

Here's a light one from Greekshares.com to make your day (it just did for me today):

The Godfather, accompanied by his stockbroker, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The accountant doesn't answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The stockbroker interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is."

The stockbroker, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"

The stockbroker signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?" The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."