Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Always Pay Your Debt

The train ame to a sudden stop. People started to look out of the window and then, hurriedly dropped back into their seats as they saw that the cause of the stop was a hold-up.

The robbers came through the train ruthlessly stripping the money, jewels and valuables from the passengers.

One man seemed to become more and more nervous as the bandits approached the seat where he sat with his friend.

Finally, drawing a ten-dollar bill from his pocket he leaned toward his friend and said, "Here, Jerry. Here's the ten dollars I owe you."

--Edmund Fuller (ed.), "2500 Anecdotes for All Occasions"

Thursday, September 6, 2007

The Quintessential Banker

The famous French satirical writer, Voltaire, was worth $500,000 at the age of 40. But he did not earn his money from books. He made most of it by lending money to needy noblemen.

He would lend an heir to an estate a larger sum on condition that he would pay him 10% interest on the amount as long as both of them lived. The heir would be neither required nor allowed to pay off the principal; and the agreement ended only when Voltaire died.

Voltaire picked only younger men and, because of his tubercular appearance, had no difficulty in getting clients. It is said that when a prospective buyer hestitated, the satirist would cough in a way that always closed the deal.

--Edmund Fuller (ed.), "2500 Anecdotes for All Occasions"

Monday, September 3, 2007

In the Beginning

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Quickly, God was faced with a citation from the regulatory board.

God was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease-and-desist order for the earthly part.

Then God said, "Let there be light!" Immediately, the regulatory board demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution?

God explained that the light would come from a large ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that a building permit would be obtained, that there would be conservation of energy, and that the light would be out half the time.

God agreed and offered to call the light "day" and the darkness "night." The officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.

God said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation, with plants yielding seed and fruit trees bearing fruit." The advisory board agreed, so long as only native seed was used

And everything was OK — until God said the project would be completed in six days. The officials said it would take at least 200 days to review the applications and environmental impact statement. After that would be a public hearing. Then it would be 10-12 months before ...

At this point, God created hell.

--Copyright J, the Jewish news weekly of Northern California

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Cash Is King

Those who believe in a strictly cash business have as their shining example the small son of a mountaineer, who was accosted by a revenuer.

"Where's your pappy?" asked the officer.

"Pappy's up at the still."

"Where's your mother?"

"She's up at the still too."

"I'll give you a dollar," said the officer, "if you'll take me up there."

"All right," said the boy, "give me the dollar."

"No, sir, mister, give it to me now," insisted the boy. "You ain't a-comin' back."

--Edmund Fuller (ed.), "2500 Anecdotes for All Occasions"

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