Sunday, April 29, 2007

Banker's Banker

It is said that the development of California's agricultural and motion picture industries can be attributed to Amadeo Peter Giannini's liberal credit policies. Giannini's father, a farmer, died when A.P. was only seven--in a fight over a dollar. Let's have this joke about the man from :

Giannini (whose Bank of America National Trust and Savings Association weathered the Depression and became the largest privately owned bank in the world) asked a distinguished looking grey-haired gentleman to get him a taxi.

When the man dutifully obliged, Giannini gave him a quarter. The recipient, clearly embarrassed, explained that he was the head of the Los Angeles Bank of America. Giannini duly apologised, took back the quarter, and gave him a dollar.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Investment Banker in the Woods

After a long drought, I have an investment banker joke! This came in by e-mail from my frat bro, Cesar from Singapore:

An INVESTMENT BANKER was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing In on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Investment Banker cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?

The Investment Banker looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

Watch Your Language

How often have you heard it said that the customer is always right? Well, this banker joke from points in that similar direction:

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account."

To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"

"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."

"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"

The teller left the window and went over to the BANK MANAGER and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

(Photo credit:

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Banker and Banks

For a change, I have here a 4-joke cocktail from for your entertainment:

Burglars entered a bank, tied and gagged the cashier and rifled the safe. As they were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading sounds. Curious, one of the robbers loosened the gag. "Please! Take the books too! I'm $7500 short!"

* * *

Beggar: Please sir, may I have a coin?

Banker: I don't have any change right now. I'll give it to you next time.

Beggar: Sir, that's the kind of credit that had made me bankrupt.

* * *

Q: Whats the similarity between a bank and sex?

A: In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

* * *

A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you identify yourself ?" asked the Cashier. The woman looked into a small mirror and said : "Yes, it's me alright!"

(Photo credit:

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Remedy for Hiccups

I have a BANKER joke here from which illustrates that even hiccups are just a state of mind. See how a change in concentration works:

WHILE waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened.

The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.

"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.
"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."

"It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!"
"Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."

(Photo credit:

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Frog and the Banker

The next joke from is something I can appreciate because I'm a baby boomer. I'm not sure how much the younger generation know about the singing groups in the 60s and 70s for them to get the humor here. Anyhow, here goes:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $33,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $33,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny, pink, porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" So the bank manager looks back at her and says:

"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(Clipart credit:

Frog, the Investment Banker

Allow me to share with you one of those investment banker jokes from Kyle Adler that I stumbled upon today, to make light of this highly stressful career:

These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:

"Help me, ladies! I am an INVESTMENT BANKER who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"

The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker".

(Clipart credit:

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Rolls Royce

There is no shortage of creative people in this world. You're familiar with the phrase "eating your cake and having it too"? Well, take a look at this joke from and pick up an idea you could try out yourself when the opportunity presents itself in the future:

A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank''s underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.

Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"

The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Quick Banker Jokes

Here's an excellent cocktail of quick BANKER jokes from for your weekend relaxation:

If bankers can count, how come the average bank has 10 windows and only four tellers?

Because if they were gone longer you would have to retrain them.

What do they call a Banker with half a brain?


What do you call 10 Bankers sitting in a circle?

Dope Ring.

How do you make a Banker laugh on Tuesday?

Tell a joke on Monday.

How many Bankers does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

Sixteen. One to stir the dough and 15 to peel the M&Ms.

What did the Banker call his pet Zebra?


What is the difference between Big Foot and a socially responsible banker?

Big Foot has been sighted.

How do you confuse a Banker?

Give him a bag of M&M's and tell him to alphabetize them.

Two Bankers going to Disneyland saw a roadsign that said "Disneyland Left..."

so they turned around and went back home.

What did the Banker yell in an emergency?

"What's the number for 911?"

Why did the banker have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?

From crawling across the street when the sign said "Don't Walk."

(Photo credit:

Friday, April 20, 2007

Advice for Bank Robbers

Bank robbers are despicable people and should be placed behind bars pronto. I am borrowing this excellent post from not to forewarn and help them (they 're not bloggers, are they?), but to show just how clumsy they could get:

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an article titled "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.

Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:

1. Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar with the bank. A California robber ran into his mother while making his getaway. She turned him in.

2. Approach the right teller. Granted, Clark says, this is harder to plan. One teller in Springfield, Mass., followed the holdup man out of the bank and down the street until she saw him go into a restaurant. She hailed a passing police car, and the police picked him up. Another teller was given a holdup note by a robber, and her father, who was next in line, wrestled the man to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.

3. Don't sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh, on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit, and in East Hartford, Conn., on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.

4. Beware of dangerous vegetables. A man in White Plains, N. Y., tried to hold up a bank with a zucchini. The police captured him at his house, where he showed them his "weapon. "

5. Avoid being fussy. A robber in Panorama City, Cal., gave a teller a note saying, "I have a gun. Give me all your twenties in this envelope." The teller said, "All I've got is two twenties." The robber took them and left.

6. Don't advertise. A holdup man thought that if he smeared mercury ointment on his face, it would make him invisible to the cameras. Actually, it accentuated his features, giving authorities a much clearer picture. Bank robbers in Minnesota and California tried to create a diversion by throwing stolen money out of the windows of their cars. They succeeded only in drawing attention to themselves.

7. Take right turns only. Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn and ended up on the Homestead Air Force Base. They drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.

8. Provide your own transportation. It is not clever to borrow the teller's car, which she carefully described to police. This resulted in the most quickly solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.

9. Don't be too sensitive. In these days of exploding dye packs, stuffing the cash into your pants can lead to embarrassing stains, Clark points out, not to mention severe burns in sensitive places--as bandits in San Diego and Boston painfully discovered.

10. Consider another line of work. One nervous Newport, R.I., robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly. Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Mass., who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived.

In view of such ineptitude, it is not surprising that in 1978 and 1979, for example, federal and state officers made arrests in 69 percent of the bank holdups reported.

(Photo credit:

Bank Pouch

I instantly liked this BANKER joke from Judge for yourself:

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10am as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president. "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10 a.m. today I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand.

(Photo credit:

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Einstein in Heaven

Albert Einstein is one of my personal favorites. In fact, I haven't finished reading a book on him yet which I bought recently. With this joke, however, taken from I might change my mind about him, LOL:

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"

"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"

"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"

A Fast Banker

There is such a thing as confidentiality of deposits. However, bankers have eyes so they can see how much you got there. Here's a joke to that effect taken from

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.

"Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."

"You're wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the BANK where your father has his account."

(Photo credit:

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

That's a Lot of Bull

Once in a while, I come across jokes like this from Go figure it out:

A rancher goes to the bank to borrow money to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. The transaction is made and the BANKER who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows!"

"Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the rancher.

"What kind of pills?" asked the banker.

"I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."

(Photo credit:

Monday, April 16, 2007

Bunker or Banker?

It seems that there are more available plain banker jokes than the highly niched investment banker jokes. So we continue with this take (slightly edited by me) from Michael Finney which appeared in Enron was going down, Chairman Ken Lay was desperately
trying to raise cash.

In a meeting with top BANKERS, Lay presented a list of all the
collateral they had for a new loan. There were pipelines, contracts,
receivables, a half-built plant in India -- quite a list.

But the bankers told him it wasn't enough. "Isn't there ANYTHING
else you own which is fully paid for, that you can put up?

And no one has seen Dick Cheney since.

Whose Problem Is It?

This one's part of the BANKER JOKES collection of but if you ask me, I think there's more truth here than humor:

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

(Photo credit:

Friday, April 13, 2007

God and a Banker

I know, I know what the Ten Commandments say. But, in the spirit of fun, allow me to post this one from :

A tape of God talking to a BANKER:

Banker: What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second.

Banker: What is a million dollars like to you?

God: Like one penny.

Banker: Can I have a penny?

God: Just a second...

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Suit with No Pockets

This is bad. I've been searching for days for more investment banker jokes but I can't seem to find new ones. There are simply too many sites posting the same jokes that I have already here. Worse, some (actually, many) jokes sites employ "dirty tricks" obviously intended to increase pageviews. I won't mention them just to keep the peace. But if you are one who constantly searches for new investment banker jokes like me, I'm sure you'll stumble upon these sites I'm alluding to sooner or later.

Although there is a scarcity of investment banker jokes, the show must go on. So, let's move on to plain banker jokes, starting with this one from :

A young BANKER decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.

As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"

The young man answered, "Yes, I did."

To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"

(Photo credit:

Sunday, April 8, 2007

JFK Jr.'s Lasting Contribution

Since I started this collection, I have been to many nooks and crannies of the Web trying to gather investment banker jokes. Since many truths are said in jest, I'm quite shocked at how some people regard investment bankers. Take this short one from Chuck Clarke at

If you don't think that the JFK Jr. story is important, answer me this:

When was the last time the news led off with the deaths of a publicist, an INVESTMENT BANKER, and a lawyer, and you actually felt sad about it?

(Photo credit:

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Moses' Mother

I was not able to post yesterday as my family spent most of that day on the road, traveling to Baguio City, the country's summer capital, for our Lenten break. You cannot imagine the volume of traffic going that same way. As there is no internet service where we are holed up in the city of pines, I am posting this in a nearby internet cafe. Here's a short one from in keeping with the season:

Moses' Mother was a high ranking INVESTMENT BANKER. How do I know? She reached into the Nile and pulled out a Prophet...

(Photo credit:

Wednesday, April 4, 2007


This is a computer joke that I found from It is elegant in its brevity and sense of humor. See why:

I was working in a wall street INVESTMENT BANK when someone from the information technology group came by our office asking us to enter our passwords in the new software system.

My colleague Barry, with his usual rebellious attitude, entered the password "Penis."

We all fell on the floor with laugher when the computer replied:


(Photo credit:

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Lottery Winner

Here's a short one from that needs no annotation:

Did you hear about the Wall Street INVESTMENT BANKER who won $10 million in the lottery? He''s so happy that he''s giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

(Photo credit:

Monday, April 2, 2007


Computers have become indispensable tools in any profession, investment banking included. All those sophisticated financial models used by investment bankers in IPO transactions and M & As, among others, are software driven. This one from answers the question: What if an investment banker suddenly finds himself cut off from the amenities of modern life, like a computer? Start your week right with a joke:

An ambitious INVESTMENT BANKER finally decided to take a
vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of His life. least for
awhile. A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down
and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the
shore of an island with no other people, no supplies,
nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 4-star hotels,
this guy had no idea what to do. So for the next four months
he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for His old life,
and fixed His gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement
out of the corner of His eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was
the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to

In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How
did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said, "I
landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said, "I didn`t know anyone else had survived.
How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a
rowboat wash up with you."

"It`s only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn`t wash up,
nothing did."

He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"

"Oh, simple." replied the woman "I made the rowboat out of
raw material that I found on the island. The oars were
whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm
branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus

"But-- but, that`s impossible," stuttered the man, "you had
no tools or hardware, how did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman, "on the south
side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial
rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain
temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile
iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the
hardware. But, enough of that," she said. "Where do you

Sheepishly he confessed that he had been sleeping on the
beach the whole time.

"Well, let`s row over to my place, then," she said.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a
small wharf. As the man looked onto shore he nearly fell out
of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman
tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man
could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the
house, she said casually "It`s not much, but I call it home.
Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no thank you" he said, still dazed, "can`t take any
more coconut juice."

"It`s not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a
still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted,
and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had
exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I`m going to
slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take
a shower and shave, there is a razor upstairs in the cabinet
in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the

There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle.
Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to
its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is
amazing," he mused, "what next?"

When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines
(strategically positioned) and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she
began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we`ve been
out here for a very long time. You`ve been lonely. There`s
something I`m sure you really feel like doing right now,
something you`ve been longing for all these months? You
know... "

She stared into His eyes. He couldn`t believe what he was
hearing: "You mean-- ?", he replied, "--I can check my voice
mail from here?"

(Photo credit:

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Lab Rats

I had time to read some blogs today in my search for quotable investment banker jokes. The following is from whose blogger is apparently a student whose Finance professor, who is the source of this joke, hates investment bankers:

Why do Scientists prefer to experiment on INVESTMENT BANKERS instead of the usual white rats?

1) There are more investment bankers.

2) No one ever gets attached to an investment banker.

3) There are some things even white rats won't do.
The blogger's favorite is # 2. What's yours?

(Photo credit:

Abraham and the Investment Banker

Here's a different spin from to an earlier joke I posted here:

An INVESTMENT BANKER was walking through the desert and came upon a camp of nomads. While approaching the camp he saw a man among a flock of sheep. The investment banker greeted the man, who introduced himself as Abraham. The investment banker complimented Abraham on the quality of his flock and asked how long it took to acquire such a herd.

Abraham replied, "Only a little while."

The investment banker then asked why didn't he get a larger flock. Abraham said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The investment banker then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

Abraham replied: "I sleep late, play with my children, nap with my wife, Sarah, stroll among the camp visiting, where I sip wine and tell stories. I have a full and busy life."

The investment banker scoffed: "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time making your flock larger and with the proceeds, buy some land rather than drifting about. And with the proceeds from the land you could buy a larger ranch and larger flocks and branch out it into other livestock. Eventually, you would have a large enterprise with thousands of acres. You would be selling thousands of livestock each year. Instead of selling your inventory to individuals, you would sell directly to the processor, then eventually open your own meat-processing facility. You would need to leave this desert and move to a larger city, of course, and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise."

Abraham asked, "But how long will this all take?"

To which the investment banker replied, "About 15 to 20 years."

"But what then?"

The investment banker laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and you would make millions."

"Millions. Then what?"

The investment banker said, "Then you would retire. Move to the quiet and beautiful desert where you can sleep late, play with your children, nap with your wife, Sarah, stroll among the camp visiting, where you can sip wine and tell stories."

(Photo credit:

Preview: Investment Banker On Life blog