Sunday, November 30, 2008

How Securitization Works

This one came from my email today. Originally titled, "How the bank bailout works," I thought it's more of a securitization joke given the pyramiding aspect of transactions involved, so I re-titled this accordingly:

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?" Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck now works for Goldman Sachs.

(Photo credit: Google Images)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Survivor Bank

"If the global crisis continues, by the end of the year only two banks will be operational, the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank!

Then these two banks will merge and it will be called "The Bloody Fucking Bank."

(Source: Boo Chanco, The Philippine Star, November 26, 2008, as passed on to his e-group by Peter Wallace)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Three Takes On Investment Bankers

How do you define an optimist?

An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.

* * *

What's the difference between investment bankers and London pigeons?

The pigeons are still capable of making deposits on a new BMWs.

* * *

What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?

A large pizza can still feed a family of four.

(Source: Boo Chanco, The Philippine Star, Oct. 22, 2008)

MBAs After The Meltdown

Q: Why are all MBAs going back to school?

A: To ask for their money back.

(Source: Boo Chanco, The Philippine Star, Nov. 19, 2008)

Preview: Investment Banker On Life blog