Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Firing Line

The tactful boss called the inefficient INVESTMENT BANKING ASSOCIATE to fire him.

"Son," he said, "I don't know how we're ever going to get along without you, but starting Monday we're going to try."

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

Long Hours in Investment Banking

Applicant: Before I take this job, tell me, are the hours long in INVESTMENT BANKING?

HR Manager: No, only 60 minutes each.

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

Friday, April 18, 2008

To Make a Squash

An INVESTMENT BANKER brought his son to the president of a college, and expressed his desire that the boy take a shorter course than the regular one.

"My son can never take all those studies. He wants to get through more quickly. Can't you arrange it for him?," asked the investment banker.

"Oh, yes," replied the president. "He can take a short course. It all depends on what you want to make of him. When God wants to make an oak he takes a hundred years, but he takes only two months to make a squash."

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Tower of Babel

Quiz Master: What was the Tower of Babel?

INVESTMENT BANKER: Wasn't that where Solomon kept his wives

(Photo credit: Ldolphin.org)

Waiter, Please

An INVESTMENT BANKER called the waiter to him and in a raucous voice said, "I want a chicken smothered in gravy."

"If you want it killed in a cruel way like that," said the waiter, "you'll have to do it yourself."

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

Friday, April 11, 2008

An Investment Banker in Heaven

A teacher, a doctor and an INVESTMENT BANKER die and are in heaven. God asks the teacher why he should be let into heaven, and the teacher explains to God that he taught small children how to read and write. God says, "Welcome to heaven, my son."

God then asks the doctor what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. "I saved people's lives by curing their illnesses," the doctor replies. "Welcome to heaven, my son," God says.

God then turns to the investment banker. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that as an investment banker, he helped banks package their subprime mortgages into highly marketable CDOs. "Welcome to heaven, my son," says God, "but you have to leave in two days."

No Copying

Two young MBAs applied for a single position at a Wall Street investment bank. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the HR manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."

"And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.

"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the HR manager.

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.

"Simple," said the HR manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Silence is Golden

The INVESTMENT BANKER was reproached by a friend who said, "I think it is a shame that you have not spoken to your wife for 15 years. How do you justify it?"

And the investment banker answered, "I don't want to interrupt her."

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

Affording the Best

The surgeon was discussing a forthcoming operation with a wealthy INVESTMENT BANKER patient. "Would you prefer a local anaesthetic?"

"I can afford the best," replied the investment banker. "Get something imported."

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

A Refugee Banker

Accused of deserting his wife, an INVESTMENT BANKER was brought before the judge. After the judge had lectured him severely on the sin and trifling character of desertion, the judge asked the investment banker: "What have you to say?"

"Judge," solemnly answered the investment banker, "You've gotten me wrong. I'm not a deserter. I'm a refugee."

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

A Double Whammy

On an airplane flight, an INVESTMENT BANKER seeking an intelligent discussion asked a fellow passenger, "What do you think is the main problem with our society -- ignorance or apathy?"

His fellow passenger replied, "I don't know and I don't care !"

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)

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