Sunday, December 13, 2009

Financial Genius

My online friend Oleg Palamarchuk contributed this joke:

One day the teacher-polyglot met his old friend who shared his problem:
         “I have owed a thousand dollars and can’t give back.”
“One thousand dollars?” the teacher re-asked him. “I see you’re a poor man.”
“If you owed $ 10,000 you would be a small enterpriser.
            If you owed $ 100,000 you would be a middle enterpriser.

           If you owed $ 1,000,000 you would be a serious businessman.

           And if you owed more than $ 10,000,000 you would be a financial genius.”

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Monkey Business

I posted this earlier in my IBanker blog under a more "formal" title, consistent with the character of that blog. But since this is a jokes blog, I thought my title here could be more down to earth--where I could call a spade a spade. Here goes the story:

Once upon a time, in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10.

And, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20 for a monkey.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each, and the supply of monkeys became so small that it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35, and when the man returns from the City, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how Wall Street works!!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Jokes About The Crisis from Oleg Palamarchuk

Teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk emailed these jokes to me today. I'd like to thank him for his continuing support to this blog:

One day a student asked the teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk:

“Can you tell us unmistakably and certainly when the world economic crisis will be overcome?”

“As a true predictor, I think that I won’t make a mistake if I say certainly nothing.”


One day a student asked the teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk:

“How can one become a wise and talented person?”

“First of all, one should hand his soul to God,” advised the teacher.

“But, how can the wise become a rich person?”

“Well, to become rich the one should change his mind and sell his soul profitably to devil.”


One day a student asked the teacher-polyglot:

“What party will you vote for during the next election?”

“I won’t vote for anyone,” replied the teacher.

“Why won’t you vote?”

“That’s because there is one idiot in each party.”

“What do you think about the other members?”

“They are his adherents.”


One day the teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk met his old friend.

“The life if tough,” complained the friend. “It is so hard to live now!”

“Don’t worry,” the teacher advised. “The life is short. Be patient and wait a little.”


One day a girl student came to the teacher-polyglot for a consultation in English. On her finger she had a beautiful gold ring which she was showing all the time. At the end of the consultation she asked the teacher:

“What do you think about gold? Will the prices for it drop?”

“No, the prices for gold won’t drop until you try to sell this ring to somebody.”


One day a student asked a question to the teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk:

“Why do some work hard, run up and down - and get a little, but others work a little - and have much?”

“The matter is that God gave Man legs to run, hands to work. And God gave Man a head not to run in vain and not to work in vain.”


One day the teacher-polyglot advised one student:

“To get a prestige job you must work hard almost daily from morning till evening.”

“And what will be after that?”

“Then you will have to work hard daily from morning till evening not to lose your prestige job.”


One day a student asked the teacher-polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk:

“What is a consulting company?”

“This is a company where there are wise people who consult undertakers of small and middle business.”

“Why don’t they themselves do their own business?” the student was surprised.

“I have just told you, “This is a company where wise people are.”


(If you need more jokes, enter Oleg's site at:

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Really Fast

INVESTMENT BANKER # 1: How fast is your car?

INVESTMENT BANKER # 2: Well, it keeps about six months ahead of my income generally.

(Photo credit: Google Images)

Smart Like Dad

INVESTMENT BANKER DAD: If a man saves $2 a week, how long will it take him to save a thousand?

SON: He never would, Dad. After he got $900 he'd buy a car.

Like A Milk Ticket

During a financial panic, a German farmer went to a bank for some money. He was told that the bank was not paying out money, but was using cashier's checks. He could not understand this, and insisted on money.

The officers took him in hand, one after another, with little effect. At last the president tried his hand, and after long and minute explanation, some inkling of the situation seemed to be dawning on the farmer's mind. Much encouraged, the president said: "You understand now how it is, don't you, Mr.. Schmidt?"

"I t'ink I do," admitted Mr. Schmidt. "It's like dis, aindt it? Ven my baby vakes up at night and vants some milk, I gif him a milk ticket."

(Photo credit: Google Images)

Monday, February 16, 2009

A Mexican Wall

As the recession in the US deepens, there is speculation that Mexican authorities are considering building fortified “border fence” to prevent jobless Americans from sneaking into Mexico to look for jobs as farm, construction workers or domestic helpers.

(Source: Boo Chanco's column at The Philippine Star)

Photo credit: Google Images

Wall Street Disease

A retired New York resident who has moved to the West Coast to retire, visited a local doctor to seek medical advice for what he suspects as new and very unusual health problems.

Patient: “Doc, I feel shortness of breath, dizziness, cold sweats, can’t sleep. Do you think I will collapse any time soon?”

Doctor: “Yep. You must be from Wall Street!”

(Source: Boo Chanco's column at The Philippine Star)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Remember The Golden Rule?

Here's something I picked up from a recent Reuters article:

Two people produce fake 15 yuan notes, although there is no such thing as a 15 yuan bill in China.

They decide to go to a remote mountain area to spend it and buy a candied melon slice for 1 yuan.

They burst into tears when they get two 7 yuan notes in change. (There is also no such thing as a 7 yuan note in China.)

(Photo credit: Google Images)

Preview: Investment Banker On Life blog