Father’s Occupation

Upon being questioned as to the occupation of his father, the young man replied, "He cleans out the bank."

"Janitor or president?" was the final question.


--Edmund Fuller (ed.), "2500 Anecdotes for All Occasions"

Positive Identification

Pausing for a moment before completing the transaction before him, the teller in the bank peered at the young lady and asked, "I'm sure that this check is all right, but could you show me some positive identification?"

The young lady seemed about to turn away; then, in a faltering tone, she said, "I have a mole on my thigh just above the knee."


--Edmund Fuller (ed.), "2500 Anecdotes for all Occasions"

No Funds

Returning home one evening, a father was acosted by his daughter in the hallway of their home.

Indignantly, the daughter said, "Father, why in the world did you tell me to put my money in such a bank? Why, it's absolutely on the rocks."

"What," said her father, "why that's one of the strongest banks in the country. What do you mean by such a statement?"

Waving a check in the air, his daughter replied, "Look at this. It's my check for $25.00 and it was returned today by the bank and marked 'NO FUNDS'."

--Edmund Fuller (ed.), "2500 Anecdotes for All Occasions"

The Iconic Toaster

Banks ocassionally launch marketing campaigns to generate deposits. Toasters seem to be a favorite give-away in these promos because it's cheap but at the same time highly utilitarian. Here are a couple of banker jokes from http://www.antion.com about this icononic give-away product:

Children are stupid. That's why they're in school. I'd lecture for an hour about percentages and interest rates and at the end I'd ask one simple question, "You put ten grand in a BANK for one year at 5 percent and what do you get?" Some kid would always yell out, "A toaster."

* * *

Three stages of BANK failure:
1. Concern--that's when they put a limit on withdrawals.
2. Panic--that's when they put a moratorium on withdrawals
3. Desperation--that's when they call you up and ask for their toaster back.

* * *

You can tell when you're in trouble--the BANK sends somebody to repossess your toaster.

(Photo credit: Stockxpert.com)

Mixed Messages

Thanks for www.officediversions.com for these banker jokes:

THE young woman who entered our BANK to cash a check looked so hesitant that I went to help her. "Please sign the back of the check," I told her, "as you'd sign a letter." She looked at me gratefully, scribbled on the check and passed it to me. Signed on the back was: "Yours affectionately, Pamela."

* * *

FIRST National Bank of Washington Ill., tried to encourage business through billboard advertising, but conveyed quite a different message when the following ad was displayed: "Loans make life easier, at FIRST."

Bullet Proof

In a bank, a teller's job is among the more stressful ones. This joke from www.jokesmagazine.com gives an excellent example why:

The speaker at my BANK'S drive-through window had been broken for weeks, and we tellers had to resort to miming or writing notes to communicate with our frustrated customers.

One day a sweet elderly lady whom I would see every week pulled up to the window, leaned out, and smacked the glass in front of my face. "I hope this is bulletproof," she yelled.

There had just been a robbery at another bank nearby, so I was touched by her concern. "It is," I yelled back.

"Good," she continued, "because someone is going to shoot you if you don't get that damn speaker fixed!"

(Photo credit: Stockxpert.com)

Watch Your Language

How often have you heard it said that the customer is always right? Well, this banker joke from www.workjoke.com points in that similar direction:

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account."

To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"

"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."

"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"

The teller left the window and went over to the BANK MANAGER and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

(Photo credit: Stockxpert.com)

Banker and Banks

For a change, I have here a 4-joke cocktail from www.chat11.com for your entertainment:

Burglars entered a bank, tied and gagged the cashier and rifled the safe. As they were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading sounds. Curious, one of the robbers loosened the gag. "Please! Take the books too! I'm $7500 short!"

* * *

Beggar: Please sir, may I have a coin?

Banker: I don't have any change right now. I'll give it to you next time.

Beggar: Sir, that's the kind of credit that had made me bankrupt.

* * *

Q: Whats the similarity between a bank and sex?

A: In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

* * *

A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you identify yourself ?" asked the Cashier. The woman looked into a small mirror and said : "Yes, it's me alright!"

(Photo credit: Stockxpert.com)

Rolls Royce

There is no shortage of creative people in this world. You're familiar with the phrase "eating your cake and having it too"? Well, take a look at this joke from Jokes.maxabout.com and pick up an idea you could try out yourself when the opportunity presents itself in the future:

A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank''s underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.

Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"

The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"