Cheat Sheet

This is an accountant joke, but since it is part of an i-banker's job to work with financial statements, I thought I could post this here as well:

“A very respected accountant was facing retirement. He had served loyally for 40 years, and in that long and distinguished career never misplaced or misreported a single penny. However, early in his career colleagues had noticed a foible.”

“Every morning when he arrived at work, the gentleman opened his top desk drawer, lowered his head over the drawer, and mediated for a full two minutes. Then he closed the drawer and started the day.”

“After celebrating the retirement of this beloved friend, his coworkers were sad to start a new week without him. But many decades of curiosity could now be satisfied, what accounting secret was hidden is in that drawer?”

“A large assemblage of accountants crowded around his desk early that Monday morning while the head of accounting opened his desk drawer to see what accounting mystery it held. The group listened with rapt attention as she read the small note taped inside his top drawer!”

“Debits on the left, Credits on the right.”

Two sides of the Balance sheet

Here's another quick one from Vinod Kothari:

There are two sides of the balance sheet - the left side and the right side. On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left!

Beware of Brokers

Here's a light one from Greekshares.com to make your day (it just did for me today):

The Godfather, accompanied by his stockbroker, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The accountant doesn't answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The stockbroker interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is."

The stockbroker, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"

The stockbroker signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?" The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."