It Takes A Thief

Some years ago while Baron Rothschild and a nobleman friend were taking a pleasure trip along the Rhine, a young lad on the boat noticed the end of a silk handkerchief sticking out of Rothschild's pocket.

With visions of the fabulous value of a Rothschild handkerchief, he took the end of the handkerchief and gently tugged at it.

At this point, the nobleman turned to the Baron and whispered: "Baron, that boy beside you is taking your handkerchief."

"Let him alone," said the Baron. "We all had to start small."

A True Blue Investment Banker

A first year investment banking analyst, employed at a relatively modest salary by a Wall Street bank, began conspicuously to lead a rather lavish life, dressing flashily, buying a German sports car, and otherwise giving evidence of sudden wealth.

Finally, the HR manager felt called upon to speak about the matter and asked, "How is it that you, whose salary computes to only $3,000 a week, can spend what must certainly be $5,000 or more dollars a week?"

"Why, it's simple," the investment banking analyst replied unabashed, " there are more than 3,000 employees here and every payday I raffle off my salary at $10 a ticket."

Six Bankers

The following note was found among the effects of a hedge fund partner after his death. He has long been known for his frequent lapses into bankruptcy.

"I hereby name the following six bankers to be my pallbearers. Since they have carried me for so long during my lifetime, they might as well finish the job now."

Take It Easy, Man

A stock broker, suffering a slight nervous breakdown from the Wall Street crash, was taken to a hospital to rest.

While more or less in a daze, he overheard his nurse say, as she handed the patient's chart to the doctor, "Temperature today, 102."

Weakly the broker raised his head and said, "When it reaches 102 1/2, sell," then wearily fell back against his pillow."

(Thanks to Google Images for the above cartoon)

Two Rats--And A Wildcat

Here's a circa 1887 joke about Wall Street from Life, vol. IX, no. 230, p.289. See how amazingly timeless its moral lesson is:

An old rat, whose long residence in the city had given him great knowledge of the wiles of civilized life, observed one evening a tempting bit of cheese close by his favorite hole in the wall.

Instead of greedily rushing at it, he called a young friend, saying, "Whiskerando, some kind person has prepared a feast for us. Help yourself."

The guileless innocent rushed on the cheese, which he devoured voraciously: but, alas! in a few minutes he rolled over on his back, stone dead. The dainty was poisoned.

"My experience in Wall Street has stood me in well," mused the old rat as he turned into his hole: "it is safer to give other folks pointers, and pocket your commission, than to risk your all on a wildcat investment."

(Photo credit: Google Images)

Bush on Bank Closings

Here's a joke from the Jay Leno show:

"You know, I'll tell you, once again, I don't think President Bush gets it. He doesn't really understand economic issues. Like today, he was asked if customers should be concerned by all these bank closings. And Bush said, 'If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM.'"

Like A Baby

The current Wall Street meltdown has frightened a lot of small investors. A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and asked if he was worried.

He replied that he slept like a baby.
He was amazed and asked, “Really? Even with all the bank failures?”

He said, “Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours… I do that a number of times through the night until morning comes.”

(Source: Boo Chanco, Philippine Star)